EXCERPT CHAPTER 7 - ANGUISH


This one is from Chapter 7. We see Ben and JC starting to explore their relationship, not only physically but emotionally too. How much closer will they get? And what will happen next in their epic love story? 


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“God, I don’t believe we just did that,” Ben gasped into the phone.
“I do,” JC chuckled. “Are you okay? It sounds like something’s wrong.”
“I’m okay,” Ben mumbled, rolling over onto his side. “It just feels strange.”
“I’m sorry, I never should have…”
“It was my idea,” Ben reminded him. “I just feel weird now that it’s over.”
“Maybe you weren’t ready. We don’t have to do it again if you don’t want.”
“It’s not that… I…I just wanted to do it together. I don’t like it as much over the phone, I guess. I want to see you, to feel you.”
“Our talk of New Year's Eve… you really meant that didn’t you?  I…I thought we were just talking.”
“I don’t want to plan these things, but the more I think about it, the more I think I’ll make a move on you. And it scares me to death. My body is screaming at me to do something, and my mind is screaming at me telling me to slow down because we’re only fifteen and a half. God, I hate this!” Ben shifted in bed and rolled over onto his other side. "But I…I guess maybe you’re right, that is what I was thinking. Doesn’t just about every fifteen-year-old in the world struggle with this?”
“Yeah, it’s part of growing up, right?  We have these physical feelings, urges, and they battle inside of us with the part that tells us we’re too young. That we should live a bit more.”
“Should we?” Ben whispered.
“Only you can answer that. My cousin Amber started having sex when she was fifteen and doesn’t regret a moment of it. My cousin Keith started when he was seventeen and then swore off of it until he was twenty-three. It just depends.”
“I don’t know what to do, JC. Physically I want you but I’m not sure how much I can give you yet.”
“It’s okay, Benjamin. We’ll just take it slow. The worst that can happen is that we jerk off a lot – separately.”

Ben laughed for the first time since JC had called him a half-hour before. “Do you still want to spend the night on New Year’s Eve? We may or may not do something physical but I promise we'll have fun.”
“I’ll be there. No matter what.”
The line was silent for a moment, but not awkwardly so, before Ben spoke again. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, you know that.”
“What do you think the future holds for us?”
“I can’t know yet,” JC said. “I’m thinking about journalism but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Why?”
“I have my whole future planned out but I’m afraid it might not include you.”
“I hope it does. God, I never thought about our paths separating us from each other. You were always there and always would be. Even when I was in Cali, I thought we’d end up in the same place together eventually.”
“Well,” Ben sighed. “It’s all I can think about lately. I want to go to art school in San Francisco. But I also want to study programming so I figure a four year school is in my future. Major in computer science, minor in art. I’m scared because I know how you feel about California but I don’t think staying in Hicksville, Wyoming is a good idea.”
“I don’t plan on staying either, Ben. I’m pretty sure colleges in San Francisco have journalism programs, right?”
“Well yeah… I just…”
“Why is it any different now?” JC asked in a whisper. “We were going to go to UW together when we were just friends.”
“I know,” Ben muttered. “I was the one who was so adamant about things not changing between us and here I am thinking that things have changed when they haven’t.”
“It’s because you’re the worrier. But in the end, you’re the strongest when the shit hits the fan. You have the steadiest hand.”
“Okay, I’ll try not to worry too much. Maybe the new dose of medicine will help.”                                     “We’ll be fine, Ben. Our dreams will come true. If someday we are meant to take separate paths, we’ll deal with it then.”
“Okay. Thank you, JC.”
“You’re welcome, but I’m not sure what you’re thanking me for.”
“For being my rock when I get crazy. I hate it, I’m usually the one who can think clearly and plow through the crap.”
“We all need to be crazy sometimes, and tonight was your turn. Do you feel better about what we did earlier?”
A smile broke over Ben’s face. He wished JC could see it. “Yeah, much better. It was incredible. I realize it now that I’m thinking straight again.” Hearing his voice while he…It was absolutely thrilling.
“Good,” JC whispered. "I’d better go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, Bye James. Dream of me.”
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